Higher Ways and Better Thoughts

I have an 11 year old girl living with me right now.  She has a sad history, and there's been a lot of trauma in her life that she doesn't recognize as trauma.  Her warped perception tells her that her life before foster care was practically perfect.  She can't see the sources of danger in her family; and she has incorrect notions of what life would be like if she was allowed to return to them.

I'm constantly hearing things (usually at loud levels, in between tears and sniffs) like:

You don't care about me.

You won't even help me, cause you're not giving me the answers.

Stealing is just a habit. I shouldn't get in trouble for it.

I'm gonna tell my mom on you.

You don't want me here.

I love Justin Bieber. 

You never give me anything.

Heather has more stuff than me.

This is the worst day ever. (This one is particularly interesting, since yesterday and the day before were the worst days ever.)

I don't have any free time cause you took me shopping and now I can't use the Wii cause I have to do homework and take a shower and eat.

Why don't you just lock everything up and then I can't take it.

Sometimes I try and argue back... telling her that I do care about her. That giving her the answers doesn't teach her anything. That I'm helping the best I can and it's not my fault I can't do 5th grade math. That it might seem like Heather has more things, but it's because she misses out on so much of what normal girls her age get to do. That I give her the things she needs, and that 11 year olds don't need iPod touches and TV's in their rooms.  That there are consequences for out actions, and we all have choices to make. That making mistakes is how we learn, and we try and do better next time. That if she can't sit and do 30 minutes of homework now, she's never gonna make it in the real world.

She doesn't hear me. At all. The things I'm saying are true. I mean them. If she stopped to listen and think, she'd realize that. But she can't see past what she wants and thinks she should have to hear the truth in my words.

And I wonder how often God thinks the same things about me.

Brooke, it's because I care about you that I didn't give you........ what you thought you needed.

Brooke, it's because I knew what strengths and traits you'd need that I let that "traumatic" thing happen to you when you were 9. 

Brooke, it's because I love you that I didn't let that relationship work out when you were convinced it was the best thing in the world.  And you're glad for it now.

Brooke, it's because I know what's ahead that I 'let' you struggle sometimes and figure things out on your own.

Brooke, I gave you the parents you have so that you could become who you are today.

Brooke, it's because you'll need patience that I put that annoying person in your path.  (x7)

Brooke, it's because I love you that I let you make choices. And stick around after you make the wrong one. 

Brooke, that thing you thought would ruin your life was actually the best thing that ever happened to you. That's because I love you. 

Ruthann said it in her post on Monday, and I've said it before, His ways are higher than mine, and His thoughts are better than mine.


 Like Zoe, I don't recognize the danger of what I want sometimes. I have incorrect notions of what life could be like "if only".  I have a warped perception of myself, and life around me. I have a history that has made me who I am today, and most of the time, I'm glad of it.

I want so badly for Zoe to hear me. To trust me. To learn, grow, change. To see me as someone who loves her and wants to help her rather than as a day ruin-er.

I want so badly to trust God. To know that He knows what I need better than I do. To know that He knows when something I want is the wrong thing.  To protect me from the danger of myself.

To let Him love me.  Cause He does. Even when I don't hear Him. Even when I get mad cause I didn't get what I wanted. Even when I want the wrong thing. He loves me.  And you.

Next time I'm begging for Zoe to hear me, really hear me, I'm gonna check my heart and make sure I'm not ignoring the same thing from God. 

Brooke

What To DO

I found myself grumbling to a friend on the phone this week as I was on my way "to do" some service work for the church. I was grumbling because I thought that the to do list that I had put together for serving the Lord this week was more important than what I was about to do.

Wow, putting that in writing makes me even more humbled by my enormous pride.

 

After I hung up the phone I cranked up some worship music and drove onward to my destination. It wasn’t even minutes before I had to turn off the music because I had a very uncomfortable feeling in my spirit.

 The Lord started to speak to me about “my to do list”. This was not the first time we have had this conversation.  It was years ago that HE started to teach me about what HE has planned for each day that HE gives me to live here on earth. Over time I gave up my big cumbersome day planner, my palm pilot, and endless lists of “to-do’s” but apparently I am still holding on to “my to do list” in my heart.

I arrived at my destination knowing that God had a plan for my day so I tossed that proverbial to-do list out the window and, with a surrendered heart open to HIS guidance, I entered into the work that HE had prepared for me.

Jesus said “Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.” (John 5:19)

Jesus was so connected with His Father that HE did not have HIS own to do list, HE did ONLY what HIS Father wanted HIM to do. SO should I be any different? Shouldn’t I be looking for what my Father has put in front of me to do and be willing to do it?

The most important thing I can put on my daily "to do" list is to first seek God’s plan for my day. That means praying for His will for each day, listening and then DOING it. Although God has given me some ministry tasks to do on a regular basis, that doesn't mean that He doesn't have other special things that are specific for THIS day. I am not to judge what HE puts on my agenda even when I don’t understand it or see its value.

God is the Creator of the Universe and HIS thoughts are higher than our thoughts and HIS ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:9) so HE should be in charge. HIS to do list should be my to do list!

I am thankful that HE is a patient God and that HE is not finished working in my life. HE doesn’t give up but continues to nudge me to be filled with HIS beauty EVERY day.

With Joy,

ruthann

Eating Disorder Awareness

February 24, 2012

Next week, February 27th through March 3rd, is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. As some of you may know, I struggled with an eating disorder for 5 and a half years during middle and high school. I’ve been in recovery for 4 and a half years and have Christ to praise for every moment of freedom and healing.

The Bible often refers to us (Christ’s followers) as sheep. I was reading this week about how Shepherd’s each use a distinctive call or voice when with their sheep so they can separate themselves out from a field full of other flocks. The sheep learn their shepherd’s call and can recognize their Shepherd’s voice even with all the other voices and sounds that may be surrounding them. We have a lot of voices and sounds surrounding us. Media, family, friends, peers, co-workers, advertisements, television shows, movie stars…the list goes on. It’s no wonder why we struggle with self-esteem and self-worth; why we struggle with our weight and appearance… But we do not have to be captive to the world’s expectations. We need to hone the skill of discerning our Shepherds voice from the rest. We need to sharpen our ability to discern truth from lie.

We’re called to preserve our lives; to protect them from Satan’s traps and lies. To protect them from a society that tells us that we’re only as good as what we do, and we always need more or less of something to be worthy, to be beautiful . My life’s verse, Colossians 2:8 says,

“See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ.”

This is how so many lives become broken. This is where my bondage stemmed from. I was held captive through the hollow and deceptive philosophy of this world that told me that I needed to be thin to be beautiful, and I needed to be beautiful to be worth something, and I needed to be worth something to be loved. When we think we’re too strong to fall for this deception, we have the highest risk of actually falling for it. Eating disorders aren’t just about destructive behaviors, but also about destructive thoughts and emotions. Just because you don’t binge, purge, starve yourself, or overeat, doesn’t mean you’re healthy. Keep your thoughts about food and body image in check so that they don’t turn into destructive behaviors.

The prevalence of eating disorders in on the rise, and has been for years. “It’s estimated that at least 10 million females and 1 million males suffer with eating disorders in America today—for women, that’s more that breast cancer and HIV/AIDS combined; and for males, more than prostate cancer.” (http://www.austinfed.org/). And these are just the people who recognize and report it.

I want to leave you with resources today. We can’t help people if we don’t have knowledge and understanding about what they’re going through. You can’t help yourself if you don’t start somewhere. You can’t help your kids if you think they’re too strong to fall for this society’s deception….

ABOUT EATING DISORDERS:
Some eating disorder statistics
Warning signs
Risk factors
Some health consequences
Myths about eating disorders
Visit this page for some good FAQs and coping skills

BODY IMAGE:
10 Body Image Tips

RECOVERY:
Information on relapse preventionVisit this site for information on Christian recoveryVisit here for more resources

FOR PARENTS:
For parents
Know what your loved ones do online
Take it from a parent who lost their daughter to an eating disorder
How to help your own children

HOW TO HELP:
How to talk to someone who may have an eating disorder
How to help prevent eating disorders
How to help a loved one struggling with body image issues
More tips on how to help
What you can do today!

If you’re struggling and not ready to talk yet, please visit the Eating Disorder Anonymous website for support until you are ready to talk. Know that you’re loved, know that you’re beautiful, and know that you need some help.

Use the resources above to make a healthy change in yourself, support someone you love, or simply become more aware. Please, don’t misunderstand the roots of eating disorders, take eating disorders seriously, and guard yourselves, and the young people around you.

If you’re still struggling, it’s is never too late to turn to God and seek redemption. It’s never too late to ask for forgiveness. It’s never too late to be healed. And it’s never too late to be beautiful.

Recovery is possible and it’s important for people who haven’t struggled first hand to understand eating disorders and be prepared to support someone who is struggling. With the growing number of women and men with eating disorders, chances are, you know more than one person who is struggling with an eating disorder today. Educate yourself so you can help. Educate your children, so they’re less likely to develop an eating disorder-be open with them, be non-judgmental and watch for warning signs. If they’re struggling-please, get them help right away.

Be beauty-full this week, and help someone else know they’re beautiful too.
In Christ,
Jill

Idle Words

For the entire 3 years that my sister was in Virgina for school, we spoke on the phone at least 4 times a day.  She called me on the way to class, on the way back from class, on the way to work, and on the way home from work. We talked about 5 year plans (she had many), and stories from work. We talked about Heather and Molly. We planned her entire wedding in 4 months, with 600 miles between us.

When the wedding was over, and she went back to school, we were a bit worried that we wouldn't have anything to talk about.  Somehow, we found stuff, and our daily conversations resumed as normal. Every once in a while she'd bring up something she'd learned in class, or heard in convocation, and we'd have a deep conversation about something spiritual. 

Last year, when she finally graduated, she and Matt came home and moved in with me while they were looking for jobs and grad school and an apartment. Before she found a job, I saw her every day, all day. Our baby sister was there as well, and we all ate together, watched TV together, played scrabble together. There was a lot of togetherness.

She found a job, about an hour away from my house, and the first day she went to work, she called me on the way. Despite the fact that she had just left my house. As soon as I saw her name on my caller ID, I realized how much I missed her. It was a bit ridiculous, given that I had seen her every single day for 2 months.

Sometimes togetherness doesn't mean connection. We were used to talking to each other about life, not living it right next to one another.

Last night, we were talking about the benefits of attending the same church, even though we go to different services. One of the big ones is being able to talk about things of Christ. Hearing the same songs and same sermon gives us a jumping off point to talk about important things. Even though we talk multiple times a day, it's not always important. Somehow spiritual conversations still seem to be a "sometimes" thing for us.

Probably because I'm not very good at spiritual conversations. I can talk, for sure, about pretty much anything. But I don't usually talk about what God is doing in my life, or in the lives of people around me. It's takes me awhile to experience something and process it, and then to get it into words. I have to think on things, and figure them out in my head, and then figure out how to express what I figured out to others. It's quite a long process.

God tells us to "fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on their foreheads. Teach them to your children, talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the door-frames of your houses and on your gates.." (Dt 11: 18-20)

This tells me that instead of talking about my day, or my struggles, or my dreams, I should be talking about the Word of God. The Love of God. The Grace of God. Salvation. Mercy. Truth.  Talking about such things shouldn't be a struggle, because His Word should be hidden in my heart.

Colossians 3:16 says " Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly.."

This next one really hits me.  "But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgement for every careless word they have spoken." (Mt 12:36)

The greek word for "careless" is argos, and it means "idle, lazy, useless, ineffective".  A lot of my words and conversations are all of those things.

There's an idiom about idle hands being the devils tools, and I tend to think that idle words would be equally high on the list of things he can use to bring about his evil purposes.

When we talk about Christ, and what He's done, and how He's working, the devil has no foothold. He can't get into our conversation, because it's filled with Christ already.

When we talk about, well, just about anything else, there's usually a door left open for the devil and all his 'devil badness' to get in there somehow.

Proverbs 18:21 says that the tongue has the power of life and death.

I want my tongue to bring life. Life to those I know, and those I don't know.  To my sisters, my friends, my parents, strangers, coworkers, children. When I talk about my day, I want to make sure the listener knows that it's so much better because God is in it. When I talk about my struggles, I want the listener to know that I have faith in the God of Hope who will see me through anything.

And when idle words pass my lips, I'm thankful that my sister can, and does, tell me to shut up. :)

Be blessed this week, and use your words wisely.

Brooke

Under His WIng

The day started out as any other, I had a quiet heart and a peaceful mind until the phone rang.

It is amazing how one phone call can change my entire state of mind ( but not the state of my heart).

The call was like being rocketed up to the top of the rollercoaster. You know that platform where you sit and wait to be plunged into all kinds of twists and turns at harrowing speeds?

That is where I sat and I could barely breathe. For a few hours I was, I hate to admit, riding that rollercoaster in my mind. Thoughts twisting and turning at warp speed inside my own head trying to figure it all out. What should “I” do? Who should “I” call?

Now I know what I am suppose to do  and I know the promises that God has made to me, so WHY did I insist on handling things by myself???? If you have the answer to that I really would like to know. I suppose I already know the answer though. Pride. My pride allows me to believe I can handle things, any thing!

My wisdom has never served me well in the past so why would I want to trust in that NOW!!! My own understanding, wisdom and strength sends me racing through a “double loop the loop” and  I end up feeling tossed about and often sick to my stomach.

I can’t say when exactly things changed but finally, they did. My remembrance of His Word brought me to call for help, the universal emergency number, 91:1.

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” (Psalm 91:1NIV)

I ran to Him and cried out for His Divine Help.

“Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord, O, Lord hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.” (Psalm 130:1 NIV)

I turned my mind from my troubles and ran to God. When I turned to HIM and put my hope in HIM it was like that rollercoaster ride was done. I had made it safely back to the platform. I could open my eyes, for the panic was over and  I could take a breath again. My head began to clear, my quiet heart beat with a slower pace and I was able to concentrate  on the people around me that needed me. And only then could I offer His wisdom and peace. His wisdom has ALWAYS proven good and true!

If  I had not spent time studying God’s Word and cultivating a quieter heart I would have remained in a state of panic and confusion. I would not have known where to turn in a time of trouble. I would have been unable to find rest until their was resolution.  With God in control I was able to find rest in the midst of the trouble. Not only did I find rest, I slept better then I had in days because I was tucked in under the shadow of the Almighty’s wing.

 I am happy to say that the problem was resolved and even though the entire week was filled with a string  of strange and stressful events, God’s peace and rest prevailed.

Another week is about to begin and I have no idea what lies ahead but I do know that my faith has once again increased in measure. Each time I face a problem or a crisis with my hope in God and my heart steadfast on the Lord I know I will find rest and safety. I may get tossed about a bit but I will not be shaken.

Find rest O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him,. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.” (Psalm 62:5-6)

Unshaken,

ruthann

A Balanced Life

We need moderation in life. We need balance. It may sound a little “Eastern thought-ish” at first, but it is such truth when considered through a Christian worldview and Biblical mindset.

This week, I did not have balance. I did not exercise moderation. I had too many hours of work, and not enough hours with my family. I had too much judgment, and not enough mercy. I had too much worry and not enough faith. I had too much food, and not enough (or any) exercise. I had too much busyness, and not enough quiet. I had too much stress, and not enough peace. I had too much world, and not enough Jesus.

None of this was intentional of course, but apparently this week (and many others), balance was not a priority of mine.

Ecclesiastes paints the perfect explanation of why we need moderation. Solomon tried everything in excess, and was never satisfied, never fruitful. He goes on to talk about how there is a time for everything, a season for everything. People often refer to this in regard to longer time frames and broader concepts, but it can be applied to our daily lives as well. In our 24 hour days, there are hours for working, and hours for resting. There are hours for eating, and hours for exercising. There are hours for activities, and hours for rest. There are hours for mercy and hours for exercising Biblical judgment (don’t hear me wrong here, it’s not our place to judge people, however, we are allowed to have righteous indignation about certain laws and policies and fight for justice on behave of those who have no voice).

As my week, and I’m sure many others’ weeks have demonstrated, if we don’t make it a priority to have balance in our lives, we miss the mark. The world is a busy place, we are busy people, and we have responsibilities and obligations. It’s very easy to live a life without balance. But there’s no peace in that life. And I’m willing to bet there’s much less room for true joy to abound.

Without balance and peace, we’re much less effective for God’s cause. Can we truly serve effectively when we’re stretched too thin? Can we truly love fully when we also harbor judgment? Can we truly spend time with God if we’re preoccupied with other things? Can we truly have peace if our mind is full of worry?

Ironically, the things God tells us to do in excess are the things we all tend to do in moderation. Give, serve, love, witness….but that's a whole other post...

I pray that we all try to prioritize balance in our lives. That we find more time for the things God calls us too, and less time for worldly things. I pray that we allow peace and joy to abound in us by practicing moderation.

Be blessed this weekend,
Jill

The Want in Obedience

I have a seriously crazy imagination.  I have hour long conversations in my head with people. With myself.  (No one ever talks back, don't worry) When something doesn't go my way, I re-imagine it, all working out just the way I want it to. When I was a little kid, I remember spending the entire bus ride home from school imagining.  I lived in Foster, RI (population 57)  until I was 12, so even though there were only 20 kids who went to my school, I still had an hour or so on the bus to imagine what getting home that day would be like.  Sometimes the kitchen would be clean.  Sometimes my dad would be there.  Sometimes the cows from next door would have trampled the house and everything would be destroyed.  This last scenario was actually a possibility.

I form ridiculous relationships with tv characters.  Not the actors from tv shows, who are at least real live people, but the characters.  I once told my sister that I was going to change my facebook relationship status to "in a relationship" because I'd never find a man like Booth from "Bones" anyways.  As if a relationship isn't real until it's posted on facebook.  As if I actually have a relationship with a fake person from tv.  Issues, Issues.  I realize I may be taking my desire to be transparent and authentic a bit too far here, but for real, the man is perfect. 

Along with this crazy imagination comes the ability to read anything into anything. I can't tell you how many fights I have been in because someone didn't text me back. I wasn't mad at them, but I was absolutely convinced they were mad at me for some unknown reason. I actually used to get texts from people that said, "if I don't text you back, we are not in a fight, I do not hate you, my battery is dying." I can take a sweet word, or a too short response and plan the rest of my life around it. Thankfully, my heart and mind have grown up since those days, and I don't too often tend to let myself freak out anymore.

All this being said, I'm not sure how I can read stories from the Bible, and not see past what is written.

I'm not sure how I can read about Abraham leaving his family and home for an unknown place, and think it was no big deal for him. (Gen 12)

I'm not sure how I can read about Sarah waiting until she was 90 to have her first child, and think she just accepted this patiently. We know she laughed, but what did she feel?  (Gen 18)

I'm not sure how I read about Joseph being sold into slavery by his own brothers, and think he just waited for the Lord to use evil for good. (Gen 37)

I'm not sure how I can read about Esther setting her fear aside to ask for an audience with the king, and assume her only thought was "if I perish, I perish." (Esther 4:16)

I don't know how I can read about Jonah....actually, I can relate to Jonah!

For the most part, I like the fact that I can read the Bible and take God's Word at face value.  This is what He said.  This is what He wants me to know. Sometimes figuring out why He wanted me to know it is a bit more challenging, but at least I've got a starting point.

But then I read stories about the patriarchs of our faith, and I think that obeying the big, sometimes strange, always hard requests of God was just no big deal to them.  And I look at my own life, and wonder why I can't obey the little, regular, somewhat easy things that God asks of me. Not to mention the big things. The things that change lives. The scary things.

Did Abraham question God before he left his home without a second glance? 

Did he shed a tear or two when God asked him to sacrifice Isaac?

Did he seek solace in a sheepskin of wine before confiding in an old friend what he would have to do?

Is it enough that he wanted to obey God, and did?  Or does God require us to want to do what he asks?

There are times that I want to obey God, and doing what he asks brings joy and peace and comfort to my heart.  Feeding the poor, caring for orphans. That I can do. There are other times when I want to obey God, but the task itself feels like a chore and I kinda hate it.  I do it, but I don't want to that particular thing.

It's times like these, facing the things I don't want to have to do, that I wish we got a little more of the story.

I'm not sure if I would be able to relate to Abraham's story.  I don't know if being on this earth "for such a time as this" brought Esther comfort, but I find that sometimes it brings me comfort, and sometimes it makes me mad. I don't know how patient Sarah was able to be, but babies are ridiculously cute, and I wouldn't want to be waiting 90 (or even 30) years on God to provide me with one. Especially when the mark of womanhood in her day was bearing children. But we didn't get those stories. We don't get the fears and struggles. We don't get the questions and tears.

We got the story of Jonah.  And I relate.  He ran from God's command, put others around him in harm's way when the Lord sent down a nasty storm to the ship he was hiding out on. He got eaten by a whale. He got thrown up by a whale. Ew. He decides, finally, to do what God has asked of him, and when the people of Nineveh change their evil ways, Jonah gets mad at the Lord's compassion for them.

Oh how I relate.  Oh how I wish I didn't. I don't want to run from God. I don't want to put others in harm's way because of my own personal feelings. I do not want to get eaten by a whale, or whatever teaching tool God might choose to use in this day and age, with me.  And when I finally smarten up and decide to do what God asks of me, I don't want to be angry and judgmental about the results.

God says to Jonah after he pitches a fit over God's compassion for the Ninevites, "Have you any right to be angry?"  (Jonah 4:4) He spends quite a few chapters essentially asking Job "Who are you, compared to me?" (Job 38-41) We don't get to decide what God asks of us. We don't get to decide where He shows His compassion and mercy.

The sins of the Ninevites were not against Jonah. They were against God.

God had compassion on Jonah when he ran from Him. He had compassion when the others on the ship tossed him overboard to save themselves.  Jonah could have been smited on the spot for refusing or avoiding God's command. But God was compassionate. He is compassionate.

I don't want to be mad at God for having compassion on others, for giving them another chance to change their ways.  Not after all the chances He's given me. If He chooses to use me, even when I wish He wouldn't, I don't want to miss out on why He's using me.  I don't want to miss the changes it could bring to me, the blessings.

I have no way to wrap this up.... my question still stands.  Is it enough to obey God, even when we don't want to do what He's asked of us? Is it enough to do it, without understanding why? It is enough to do it, if only because we can't not do it?

And do you think less of me because of my fake tv relationships?? Actually, don't answer that one :)


Brooke

It's All About Love

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, a day that is set aside to let people who are important in our lives know that we love them (even though we should be doing this EVERY day, but that’s another blog entirely).

Last year at this time I was in Romania with three other women working in the abandoned baby hospitals and with single mothers as well. We traveled there deliberately in the cold of winter so that we would be there on Valentine’s Day to share about the greatest love of all, the love of Jesus Christ. We sang of God’s great love and we shared the Good News of His great love and we served and poured our love out on the children and people of Bucharest.

One of the places where we served was The Hagar Maternal Center that houses 8 single women and their babies. This home that is run by Touched Romania Ministries and serves as an alternative for these mom’s to abandonment. At the home the moms learn about the love of Jesus Christ, and how to care for and love their babies among other practical life lessons

During one of the parenting sessions I spoke to the young mothers about the concept that there are different ways people, in these particular case children, experience love. I used material from the popular book called “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman...  Mr. Chapman categorizes the way people perceive they are loved in 5 ways (physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and acts of service). He surmises that if we understand which “love language or languages” the people in our lives respond to and learn to show our love to them in that way then they will feel truly loved.

I recommend that you read the book and glean from the insights it contains because it IS important to display our love so that they KNOW how much we love them.

But I want to suggest that we should also be thinking about our “first love”, God, and how we can display our love for HIM in ways that HE KNOWS how MUCH we love HIM.

There is a woman in the Bible that took a daring risk to go against what was expected of her so she could display her love to Jesus in ways that HE would KNOW.

“…so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and pored perfume on them.   ….Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven- as her great love has shown.”

(Luke 7:37b, 47a)

This woman displayed her great love to Jesus by giving her time to focus her love solely on Jesus; she brought her most precious gift of perfume and poured it on HIM. She did the work of the lowest of servants as she washed HIS dirty and tired feet with tears of great love and dried them with another of her treasures, her long hair. She touched Jesus physically and emotionally with her display of LOVE.

I think she was speaking Jesus’ love language!

I know this may sound funny to think that Jesus has a love language BUT what if we took the time to find out what we could do that would let Jesus know of our great love for HIM.   When Mary of Bethany anointed Jesus’ head  with perfume HE said she had done a beautiful thing for HIM.

“ a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head”… “Leave her alone,” said Jesus. Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me.” (Mark 14: 3b,6)

How can you touch Jesus as a sign of your Love?

Do your lips speak and sing of Love for HIM?

How much time are you willing to give to show HIM that you Love HIM?

Have you given Him your most precious gifts?

How can you serve Him that would please HIM?

What BEAUTIFUL THING can you do for Jesus ??

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind”.

(Matthew 22:37)

Remember it's ALL about Loving HIM!!!

 Be Beauty Full,

ruthann

Oh the Memories

Our memory is crazy. I took a class in college all about learning theory and part of it was about how we make, store, and recall memories. Now, I forget most of the really cool, important, scientific stuff-but any one of our senses can suddenly evoke a memory at any given point in time. It’s different for everyone, but for me, my sense of smell is what brings most of my memories to mind. Every now and then I smell something that will bring back a memory from so long ago that I’m truly surprised when it comes to mind. Another thing that often bring backs memories for me, is music. Music has always been big part of my life and I associate different periods of my life with the music I listened to during that time.

On my way home from class this week a song came on the radio that reminded me of a not-so-great time in my life. I was suddenly overcome by a sense of guilt and shame for past sins and regrets. Thankfully, the Lord was quick to remind me of……well, Himself.

I was reminded of when God commanded the Israelites to build a stone monument at Gilgal. He said, “In the future, when your descendants ask their fathers, ‘What do these stones mean?’ tell them, ‘Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground.’ …He did this so that all peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the Lord is powerful and so that you might always fear the Lord your God” (Joshua 4: 21-22, 24). We know that the Israelites were not always faithful. They saw miraculous things from God all through their time in the desert and still rendered a golden calf to worship instead of their all-powerful God (Exodus 14:21-22; 15:22-25; 16:4, 11-13; 17:5-6; 32:1-6). Still, when they came out of the dessert, God told them to build a monument so they would always remember where they had been and what God had done for them.

I suddenly had a new perspective to look at my memories from. I was so thankful for God’s mercy and grace. For the changes He’s made in me; for His unconditional love and forgiveness. I was (and remain) thankful that God has looked past my unfaithful times and brought me through my desert. I’m thankful that God forgets our sin (Hebrews 8:12; Isaiah 43:25), but we don’t. Remembering were we’ve been helps us remember how awful it is when we don’t do things God’s way. It helps us remember that His will is always the best for us. It reminds us to seek Him, and stay close.

The important thing to keep in mind is that remembering is not the same as dwelling. When we remember where we’ve been, we’re able to be grateful and thankful for where God has brought us. When we dwell, the Devil keeps us stuck inside our own head, filling us with guilt and shame. Christ died so that we do not have to live that way.

I pray that we can always remember where God has brought us and what He’s done for us. I pray that we can remember His grace and mercy, and always know the wonder of His forgiveness. I pray that we stay firm in His Word and not give Satan a foothold in our minds or memories.

Have a restful weekend,
Jill

Surprise, Surprise

I didn't post last week.  My heart was busy reflecting, and my brain hadn't caught up yet. Seems to always be the case with me.. my deceitful heart rushes full steam ahead, and by the time my brain catches up, it's often too late to backtrack. That's a whole different post though :)

This week, I'm so thankful that we can't surprise God.  He knows what we're going to do, when we're going to do it, and what the aftermath will be.

I hate surprises. I don't even like presents, because of the element of surprise in them.  When someone tells me they got me a present, I get nervous and jittery.  I panic. I think it has to do with the reaction people "expect" from me, and not wanting to disappoint them.  It's also entirely possible that I'm just weird. 

A new Casting Crowns song has this chorus:

"When I'm lost in the mystery, to You my future is a memory"

I kinda love it.  I have no idea what the rest of the verses say, because I keep skipping back to the beginning just to hear this line again.

God knows our entire life before we are even conceived. (Jer 1:5, Psalm 139:13 and the whole chapter)

When we are facing major decisions in life, He already knows what we'll choose.

When we choose sin, He already knows to turn His face away from us. (Isaiah 59:2)

He even knows when we aren't sorry, when we know we should be. When we want to be. 

He knows when we'll come running back to Him, and He's always right there waiting for us.(Luke 15:11-32)

We can surprise people around us. We can surprise ourselves. It's how we hurt people, how we are hurt. Things we didn't see coming.  We react to that surprise in anger, tears, fear, disappointment.  If we weren't surprised by whatever happened, by whatever hurt us, we might be able to react differently.  In love, not anger.  Acceptance rather than disappointment or disillusionment. In mercy, not judgement.

Since we're not God, we're going to be surprised.  We're going to get hurt, and we can't change that.  We're going to hurt others, and often we can't change that either.

But we can maybe understand how God reacts to us by understanding that He is never surprised.  When I do something that displeases God, I think about how I would react if it were done to me. I think about how others react when I have hurt them.  And I project those feelings and reactions onto God.

God hates me. He's mad at me. He'll never forgive me.

But He's not surprised.  He doesn't hate me. He has forgiven me.


He reacted.  Once.  On the Cross. (Col 2:13-14)

That one reaction covered everything I've ever done, and everything I will ever do.  (John 19:30)

That one reaction gave me the freedom to come crawling back to Him.  (Hebrews 4:16)

That one reaction offers me new mercies, and He knows I'll need them. (Lamentations 3:22-23)


I don't know about you, but this week I'm grateful that His reaction isn't like mine. 


Brooke

If you're wanting to hear that song, here it is :)

A Quieter Heart

I don’t really know when it happened, that first day that I didn’t turn on the music or television to keep me company while I worked alone at home. I didn’t choose the day consciously as I would the start of a fast or mark it on a calendar as a special day although in hind sight it was one to be noted. For this day marked the beginning of a new habit, the habit of stillness.

Most of my life I have awaken each morning and turned on the radio or television and let it fill the air creating an ambience of connection with the world all throughout my day and night. Until recently I would never have thought about embracing silence in my life.

The noise of something, anything, was calming. Somehow it soothed and distracted me from even my own thoughts and worries. I could become lost in a story or sing along to the latest hit. The noise provided me with companionship. My outer world was surrounded with sound and my inner world saturated with internal noise.  Thoughts and “to-do’s”, worries and concerns produced restlessness in my heart.

Although there were many times I would be swept away and become lost in worship.  *Sigh*. There were many other times that even the worship music became a distraction for me.

As I stated earlier I don’t know what changed about this particular day last year but for whatever reason I didn’t turn anything on, not even my worship music. I worked at home in silence. I drove all my errands in silence.  I ate my lunch in the quiet and drank in the still sounds of HIM.

The quietness that in the past would evoke a feeling of isolation from the world and cause a kind of panic suddenly brought a sense of deep peace and joy. The intimate connection with God was so overwhelmingly wonderful that I felt connected to the world in a much grander sense through this silence.

One day of quietness led to another and I found myself stripping away other distractions in my life until I found that I had developed a habit of living my days surrounded with new levels of quietness. Not a silence that is void of any sound at all but rather a silence from sounds that came from outside my world. From 9:00 AM until 4:00PM apart from some focused time of praise and worship with worship music, my time was spent in silence. My heart began to quiet as both the external and internal noise levels were lowered.

I took walks and enjoyed just hearing the wind blow or a bird chirp and felt closer to God in HIS creation. I heard the sounds of fresh sheets being spread over the bed, the sound of the dog’s deep breathing as they slept and the click of each keystroke. Everyday sounds became precious gifts from God that resounded with a freshness that connected me to my own life.

There has been an intense feeling during this time that God has placed me in this silence to walk more closely with HIM. I believe this time has a much greater importance than I even now realize so with a peaceful heart I wait on HIM for revelation and draw near in worship.

I’ve cultivated a quiet heart. Psalm 131:2b The Message

This verse suggests that we have to “do” something in order to obtain a quiet heart. We have to “cultivate” it. We have to deliberately turn off the noise around us, make changes to our normal routines, and be patient and let it grow.  Although I noticed a difference the first day I spent with God in silence it wasn’t until I was comfortable in this new state of being that I actually felt as though I were in communion with God.

In Matt Redman’s book “Facedown” he writes an entire chapter about the connection between worship and silence. This chapter is called “The Sound of Sheer Silence”. It is in the silence that our hearts become still and our minds free themselves to hear the voice of the Lord speak to us. It is in this silence that we have the ability to meditate on God’s Word without distraction or influence from other voices.

A.W.Tozer wrote that “absolute silence might well become our greatest act of worship”.

There’s a freedom in the silence that allows us to more fully focus our response of love on God in ways that words and music can only taint.  In silence our hearts can resonate with the very heartbeat of God.

I was fortunate that God put me into His silence and I am grateful. I have learned a great deal in my time alone with the Lord. I have entered into a more constant awareness of HIS closeness. I have learned to carry this quiet heart into other areas of my life and even in the midst of chaos. I have learned to worship with more than songs of worship and words of love but with the strings of my heart.

 I have a great deal more to learn but I am eager to continue cultivating this habit.  The act of creating external stillness has created an internal stillness because it has allowed me to hear my God’s voice more clearly and feel HIS touch more intimately. And honestly, I want MORE!    

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Bill Hybels, the Senior Pastor  of Willow Creek Church says that he often asks himself the following question; “Is the ambient noise level of my life low enough for me to hear the whispers of the Lord.”

So how’s your noise level? What can you do today to change the ambience of your life?

With Joy,

ruthann

Identity Confusion

I got married in July of 2010. I made a commitment­– and with a few shorts words and three signatures, Jillian Walker became Jillian Castellano. I got myself a brand new name. And in addition to moving to the front end of “alphabetical order”, lots of other things changed too; my perspective, my attitude, my approach, my habits, my goals… I no longer had just myself and my own future to think about. I no longer had only one perspective to view things from. I had to abandon some of the ways I used to think and operate in order to accommodate for peace and grace in a wonderful new union.

(Totally worth it, by the way)

Sometimes, however, I find myself going back to some old ways of doing things. To having a selfish attitude, to forgetting to consider this new perspective, to returning to old habits that interrupt a peaceful marriage. I find myself forgetting even the simplest of all the changes: my new name. I’ll sign something “Jillian Walker” or introduce myself as “Jillian Walker”. At times, I forget who I am now. I forget that “Jillian Walker” is no longer who I represent; that I have a new name to represent this new chapter of my life.

When we accept Christ, we are given so much more than a new chapter. We’re given a whole new life (Romans 6:4)! When we make a commitment to live for Christ, we’re called to a new life; to abandon our selfish ways and adjust our goals and perspective to align with Gods. We are called bring glory to Him in all we do and spread the message of Christ. We must examine our motives and actions to see if their purpose is to serve ourselves, or serve God.

I was talking to a co-worker this week about the struggles of maintaining our Christian identity. We talked about how sometimes, life happens and we forget who we are now. We can get deceived by the media trying to tell us who we are, by other people trying to tell us who we are, or by the Devil using us to tell ourselves lies about who we are. And unfortunately, we find ourselves acting very unchristian in response to our identity confusion.

It can be difficult to remember who we are in Christ when we live in a society that so boldly claims ideas opposite to what we believe as truth. It can be difficult to live a new life in an area of the country with so few Christian resources. It can be difficult to live a new life when we have years of bad behavior, sin, and strongholds to unlearn.

Just like I had to unlearn many things from the way I used to operate in order to have harmony in a new relationship with my husband, we have to unlearn old habits and block out many things this world throws at us in order to maintain our new identity in Christ. We need to study God’s Word and listen to His truth tell us exactly who we are in Him…

We are forgiven (Ephesians 1:7-8)

We are made clean (Isaiah 1:18)

We are children of God (John 1:11-13, 1 John 3:1-3)

We are co-heirs with Christ (Romans 8:17)

We are salt of the earth (Matthew 5:13)

We are conquerors (Romans 8:37)

We are chosen (Ephesians 1:4-6)

We are the light of the world (Matthew 5:14)

We are the bride of Christ (2 Corinthians 11:2, Isaiah 54:5, Isaiah 62:5)

We, sisters, are beautiful (Psalm 45:10-11)

May we remember who we are in Christ this week, may be live for Him and bring glory to him in all we do.

Be blessed this week,

Jill

The Chase

I was scrolling through my Facebook friends statuses the other day when I came across one that caught my attention. It said something to the effect that this friend is addicted to shopping for the perfect black purse.  I am not proud to say my first thought was “Me Too!”

I love looking at purses of any color and am always in search of what I think is the “perfect” bag. You know the one that is just the perfect size, has just the perfect amount of pockets and has a perfect design. Oh I find them alright AND purchase them and am shortly thereafter disillusioned by its seeming perfection.

 But the thought of a perfect purse actually existing keeps me forever chasing after it.  I am being a little bit facetious here but sadly enough it holds some truth in my life. I chase after other things as well, some equally as mundane like clean floors ( I have 3 dogs) and even writing the perfect blog to name a few.

Sometimes we have loftier things we chase after such as the perfect job, the perfect house or the perfect ministry.

 Sadly, we spend precious years of our lives in pursuit of “the thing” that we think will bring us perfect satisfaction. We put a high priority on chasing after higher degrees of education; we put in longer and longer hours at the office to climb the corporate ladder. We spend more money on bigger and better homes and cars AND the right purse.

Some of our efforts bring a degree of satisfaction for a time but like my handbags eventually we end up feeling disillusioned and even empty so we try harder and keep chasing.

Most of the time our chasing after produces minor distractions but sometimes, like a child running after a runaway ball, the chase can be dangerous. The chase can overtake us so we are like addicts chasing our next fix.

Eugene H. Peterson says in his introduction to the book of Ecclesiastes in The Message Bible “Everything we try is so promising at first! But nothing ever seems to amount to very much. We intensify our efforts- but the harder we work at it, the less we get out of it. Some people give up early and settle for a humdrum life. Others never seem to learn, and so flail away through a lifetime becoming less and less human by the year, until by the time they die there is hardly enough humanity left to compose a corpse.”

The pursuit of things, relationships, careers can unfortunately become more important than who we are and effect our relationship with God.

Solomon the wisest man in the world wrote about this topic in Ecclesiastes. saying

“I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was new under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 3:10-11

 Although I spend some of my time chasing after things of this world and even chasing after ways that I can serve those in need, I have learned that the most important chase in my life is my chasing after God. HE is the only thing that will always satisfy. “My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. Psalm 63:55

When we chase after God Himself, not what He can do for us we chase after the only true thing that can satisfy. Chasing after God is the only pursuit in this life that is not meaningless, it is why we were created.  Oswald Chambers says in My Utmost for His Highest that “The busyness of things obscures our concentration on God.”

We can not let the busyness of ministry, the perfect bible study or the perfect purse obscure us from the perfect chase after God. What are you chasing after?

Running Full Speed After God,

ruthann