What to say...

I often struggle with what to say to people; both believers and unbealievers. When is it best to hold my tongue, when is it my responsibilty to correct, when should I be silent and when should I offer encouragement or consolation.

Several members of my family are going throught some serious health problems right now. When I see them, "it's going to be fine" doesn't seem right, because I don't know that. Neither does, "well if you took care of yourself..." because thats callous. "Life is life and these things happen" isn't right, because thats insensitive. Yet sometimes, being silent doesn't seem like enough.

The same goes when people I love, who know Christ get themselves in trouble with sin. "Snap out of it" is insensitive. "You know better" is high and mighty. Saying nothing isn't Biblical, but saying something can seem unmerciful.

I think of Job and his trouble. Satan was allowed to test him and he lost all his belongings, his wealth, his family, and his health. And he was a righteous man. In Job 2:12-13, we hear about Job friends seeing him for the first time..."When they saw Job from a distance, they scarcely recognized him. Wailing loudly, they tore their robes and threw dust into the air over their heads to show their grief. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words."

I've learned that often, when people are enduring suffering that I don't understand, or that I have no answers for, being silent is best. Job's friends did great for a week. Then they got fed up, opened their mouths, and it all went downhill from there.

The first friend blames Job's trouble on some sin Job must have commited. And told him exactly how he felt. The second friend blamed Job's children, saying that their sin caused Job's suffering. And the third friends blammed Job as well. Job's own wife told him to curse God and die.

After going back and forth with his friends, who never had the right thing to say, in Job 19:1-5 Job says, “How long will you torture me? How long will you try to crush me with your words? You have already insulted me ten times. You should be ashamed of treating me so badly. Even if I have sinned,
that is my concern, not yours. You think you’re better than I am, using my humiliation as evidence of my sin."

I grew up with 5 sisters. There was always something to argue about. My parent's (who just celebrated their 15th wedding anniversary!) always said, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anyhting at all." I don't always do so great with this slice of parental wisdom.

The more I read Job's story the more I think that's it's almost always better to say nothing. If we don't understand suffering, just be with the person. If we don't know what their going through, pray for them. Even if their suffering is a result from sin, who are we to be damning with our words.


Have a great weekend,
Jill