I just finished another two week fast where I asked the Lord to search my heart, and show me what HE wanted to change in me. I asked HIM to show me anything that displeases HIM, to make it unmistakable and make it hurt.
I know that sounds like a strange request but if my sin doesn't become uncomfortable, if it doesn't hurt I am likely to continue to live with it. On the other hand a Godly sorrow brings repentance ! (2 Corinthians 7:10) So I pleaded with HIM to make me uncomfortable. "Lord, show me the ugliness of my sin and make me want to change for YOU."
In the first few days of the fast there was nothing blatant brought to my attention however, I did notice that I was doing a bit of mumbling. If someone corrected me on something I rolled my eyes and mumbled about my incompetence, When dinner was a little overdone, I mumbled some more and put myself down for it. AND that was just the beginning, the noise level increased!
As the week went on I began to notice that I was doing quite a lot of mumbling. I had become hyper sensitive. I would like to say I was hyper sensitive to HIS Spirit but at that point I was just hyper sensitive to other people.
One day it occurred to me that God was showing me what HE needed to change in me. He was using my mumbling to humble me. HE was showing me just how much pride I still have in my life and that hurt. OUCH!
I thought since I had given my life to serving the Lord and HIS people, having become a servant for HIS Kingdom that I didn't have a pride problem. HA, I was sorely mistaken. My pride was the sin on display.
The Lord was showing me that even in my service to others I still wanted my work to be recognized as good. I desired my opinions to be heard and acknowledged as valid! OUCH!!!
The recognition of my ugly pride soon progressed to a painful sorrow and a deep desire to change. I was becoming hyper sensitive to HIS SPIRIT.
God is faithful to answer the desires of the heart to be changed more into the likeness of HIS Son. I am grateful that HE answered and showed me this sin that prevents me from truly pleasing HIM, the One my heart truly desires to please.
"Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God." 2 Corinthians 3:5
I now call my mumbling my "humbling mumbling" because if (and when) I hear myself start to mumble I know it is my pride speaking.(and it is not a pretty sound) OUCH!
I am humbled knowing that I can do nothing good without HIM. It is God that deserves ALL the glory not me!!!
The next time you get to mumbling take a quick check to see if it's some pride in disguise. If it is then let HIM do some humbling in your mumbling!
Humbly,
ruthann
No comments:
Post a Comment