Don't worry. It's only 1/3 mine. Had some of you scared there for a minute, didn't I?? :)
"1/3 mine" really means that my cousin, and longest friend (and one of the best!) Jane recognizes my need to be a part of literally everything, and has graciously allowed me to give input whenever I want. Because she knows I will anyways, I think she just decided to embrace it! Really, I'm just the tie-breaker should she and her husband Harry need one. I'm ok with that!
Jane is 13 weeks along, and the baby was the size of a plum last week. I love plums, and since I've decided it's going to be a girl, I've named her Plumkin. This will be her name forever and ever.
Last Monday night Jane and I talked nursery, and colors, and design, and all kinds of fun stuff that involves both paint and babies. Doesn't get much better than that.
Last Tuesday, I heard her tiny heartbeat for the first time. Definitely better than talking about paint. We were asking the Dr questions and manipulating her into confirming that the baby is, in fact, a girl (that part was just me), and she said, "You know, there's nothing you can do or not do that is going to change the outcome of this. What's going to happen will happen."
I know why she said it. So we don't worry and panic and read things on the internet. But while we are busy planning nurseries and showers and names, that tiny little plum is busy growing into a tiny little baby. And God set that in motion. Her fingers and toes are forming, her heart is getting bigger and stronger. Her organs are becoming organs, instead of just blobs. Her ears will start to hear, and you better believe I'm gonna be talking. That girl will know just how much I love her before she even gets here. I did promise Jane I wouldn't kiss her stomach, and I'm going to try really hard to keep that promise.
God knows and loves her now as much as He will after she is born. He created her, fearfully and wonderfully. He knows her character, her traits. He knows who she will become. He knows the part each of us will play in the person she will be.
There really is nothing we can do to change what will or won't happen. But I believe in a God who does all things for the good of those who love Him. I believe in the God of Hope. I believe that the one thing I can do while waiting for my Plumkin to arrive is pray for her. I can pray for her now, for her development and for lack of complications, and I can pray for who she will become.
When the time comes, I'm going to claim 1/3 of the naps cuddled on the couch, play-times, song singing, book reading. In case you all think I'm one of those people who only likes clean, happy, sweet babies, I'm also going to claim 1/3 of the dirty diapers, the spit up, the crying. I will gladly sacrifice 1/3 of my wardrobe to smeared sweet potatoes and disgusting mushed peas. If Jane and Harry need me to, I'll claim 1/3 of the sleepless nights, and the early mornings.
But, I refuse to be only 1/3 amazed at the tiny life that will change mine. I refuse to be only 1/3 awed that a tiny 12 week old heartbeat can stop mine. And I refuse to be only 1/3 hopeful and confident that my God will carry her, and her parents, through whatever happens over the next months until she is born, and the next many years afterwards.
Plumkin, I can't wait until you get here so I can show you just how much I love you. If somehow you turn out to be a boy, I promise I will love you just as much, and I will come back here and change all the "she's" to "he's", and find an equally clever and cute nickname to call you.
Ladies (and a few men too!), will you join me in praying? For the new life that I am not-so-patiently waiting for, and for her parents, who are counted among the most important people in my life.
Brooke
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