One of
the first things we learn as young children in school is patterns. We learn how
to recognize them, how to make them, how to continue them...ironically, they
don’t focus on teaching us to change or end them.
Take a
second to think about some of the common problems in your life. Maybe you’re
always are on your kids’ case about getting their homework done. Maybe you and
your husband argue over the same thing and never seem to solve the problem. Maybe you constantly do your best at work and
it never seems good enough for anyone. Maybe you wonder every month how you get
paid on Friday and have nothing left by Tuesday.
Now
think about whether or not there’s a pattern happening around these
issues...your kids come home tired, you argue with them to get their work done
right away, they resent school because they do it for 6 hours and then have to
come home and do more, they start avoiding it at home and giving you a hard
time...
Your
husband and you are deciding whether it’s more important to buy a new car or put
more down for the mortgage premium, you each make your point, you each point
out why the other person’s point is stupid, you don’t want to end up screaming
at one another, you each nod and walk away, next pay check, the same thing
comes up...
You get
to work, have already worked your 40 hours for the week but agreed to come in
anyways, a coworker asks you to take on some of their work load, and your boss
asks you to come Saturday, you agree to all of the extra work and then resent
your job because you’re exhausted...
You get
paid Friday and decide to treat yourself for a hard weeks work, you go on a
little shopping spree, get home and realize you need to pay the bills, get most
o them paid, and now are scrapping by for the next two weeks...
Even if
you can’t presently relate to any of these, I encourage you to think about
patterns in your own life. Some may be innocuous, some, very detrimental. They
could be patterns with your family, your work, your church, you finances, your
relationship with God...
One of
the biggest misconceptions about change is that it takes two. We end up
believing that child and parent both
must change, that husband and wife both must
change, that authority and subordinate both
must change....We cling to this belief because if we think we need the other
person to change too, we can just say “well, if they’re not ready I’m not going
to bother yet...”
WRONG. A
pattern is only a pattern until one person makes a change. It does not always
take two to Tango. Well, maybe to literally Tango it does, but as far as
destructive patterns in our life, it only takes one person to set change in
motion.
My
younger sister and I went through a couple years where we did not get along. I
thought she was being immature in certain areas of her life and constantly
lectured her about what she should be doing. She resented it and felt like I
didn’t love or respect her. Our interactions were short and unkind for the most
part. I was waiting for her to “grow up” so we could get along. Luckily, the
Lord showed me sooner rather than later that I was in the wrong. Once I ended
the patterned of lecturing her and putting her down, our relationship was able
to grow and change. Once I made a change, the pattern of our resentment and
bitterness changed. (So excited for her to move home in a few weeks!!)
We
can’t change patterns in our life if we don’t first recognize them. Think about
things that come up over and over again in your relationships, identify
patterns, and brainstorm ways that YOU can make a change. We have to stop
hiding behind the excuse that “it takes two.” We think “once he starts pulling
his weight we won’t argue as much” “once they start obeying I won’t have to
yell as much” “once I get paid more I’ll be better with my finances”
Let’s
work on finding the areas in our lives were we can take responsibility for and
make a change! It does not always take two.
BE
blessed
Jill
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