The Problem with Grace and Mercy

The other day I was lecturing a certain child, for the thousandth time it seems, about a certain behavior she has that is particularly.... annoying, detrimental to her relationships, potentially unsafe if it continues or happens outside of home, expensive (for me)...  it's a bunch of things. 

My point was- she continues to do this particular thing, despite being asked not to, yelled at, punished, rewarded for not doing it; the whole nine yards. Not only does she continue to do engage in this behavior, but she freaks out (as in, crying, screaming, swearing, slamming doors, threatening, etc.) when anyone does the same thing to her.

The other day I was at the point of begging her to tell me why she thinks it's ok for her to do this to us, but when it happens to her, it's the end of the world. I asked her why she is so much better than the rest of us.

Not only was I mad, I was confused, and really trying to understand why she thinks it's ok when she does it, but not when anyone else does it.

Upon reflection, and during a nice long car ride in the middle of the night, I realized that as unattractive as this attitude is in her, it's even more so in me.

I do the exact same thing. When I wrong someone, I immediately expect them to understand my reasons, my circumstance, my excuses. 

But when I am wronged- I jump to the worst, and often most ridiculous conclusion, and refuse to see the situation any other way.

When I "withhold information", I have a reason, and I expect that my reason will be understood, and sometimes even appreciated.

When someone LIES to me, the world has ended, and I will forever question everything that person says.

When I say something hurtful or out of turn, I apologize, and assume it is understood that I didn't really mean it, and that I'm sorry. Then I forget about it. Or, in my case, play it over and over in my head, wishing with everything in me that I could take it back, and replaying the conversation the way I wanted it to go.

When I am hurt, the other person is mean, and hateful, and horrible, and obviously I am a horrible, awful person, or else they wouldn't have said that and meant it. 

One of the definitions for grace is this: "A temporary immunity or exemption; a reprieve."

The definition of mercy is: "compassionate treatment of or attitude towards an offender, adversary, etc."

The problem with grace is that I accept it greedily, but I hold onto it like I'm the only one who deserves it.

The problem with mercy is that I assume I will receive it every time I need it, but often refuse to offer it.

The problem with grace and mercy is me. It's us. We're emotional, and sensitive. We have strict expectations of everyone but ourselves.  We have high standards that only we are allowed to deviate from.

We have no problem believing and even sharing God's grace and mercy with people. I know that God loves those wrong me, understands them, will forgive them and offer them the same grace and mercy that He offers me over and over again.

But, my pride gets the best of me way too often, and I get to thinking that I am the only one in the whole world who has a viable reason for my poor actions. My poor attitude is understandable, while everyone else should be able to control theirs.

Like a certain child, I get to thinking that it's ok when I misbehave, but not when anyone else does.

Oh how messed up I am.  How in need of grace and mercy I am.  How thankful I am that my God doesn't withhold it the way I do.

I'm off to search the Bible- hoping there's a verse in there that will tell me specifically how to gracefully and mercifully teach a traumatized child that stealing is bad, and that if she continues to do it, I'm going to be the one crying and screaming and slamming doors.  Actually, I do that already sometimes :)

Be Blessed,

Brooke