The Reassurance We Need

A few weeks ago, I mentioned that Heather spent two days asking when she would see Jill.  She needed constant reassurance that Jill was coming over on Thursday. This week, she's needing constant reassurance that she she will be going to school, and taking the bus. A few months back, I had to tell her that I loved her every ten seconds.  Literally, as soon as I was finished saying "I love you", she was asking me to say it again.  After that, she was asking me to say "same" and "yes".  I have no idea what I was saying "yes" to, or what "same" was referring to, but just hearing me say it seemed to please her, so I kept saying it. Honestly, it's annoying. I'm not a fan of repeating myself, and yet that's what she needs from me.

It's easy to qualify Heather as needy. She is.  It's also easy to qualify her as different, but the more I think about it, the more I think she's the "same" as me.  As us.

Maybe it's not as evident in some people, some women, but we all need reassurance, and we all seek after it in some way.

We look for reassurance everywhere.

I look in the mirror every time I pass it, thinking that this time I'll see something different. I never do.

I look at the layer of dust on my shelves, my unfolded laundry, the stack of work piling up on my desk to tell me that I've done enough. I haven't.

I look at a half finished bible study to see if I'm being a good "Christian". I'm not.

I look to my dad to tell me that I'm his favorite.  I look to my sisters to tell me that I'm their favorite. Of course I am always reassured in these to situations :)


When Heather doesn't get the reassurance she needs about something, she whines, yells, throws things. Sometimes she's hits me. Not the best reaction.  But don't we all want to do those things sometimes? 


When I don't get the reassurance I need, I up the anti- do what I think I need to do to get what I'm looking for.  In some ways I think it would be less detrimental to hit people :)
  When someone doesn't make me feel loved, I try and figure out how I can make myself more loveable.

When someone doesn't make me feel pretty, I debate new clothes and more make up.

When the media makes me feel frumpy vs the sexy 'norm', I consider lower necklines, tighter pants, higher heels.

Instead of being who I am, the woman that God created and loves, I try and change myself in order to get the reassurance that I need.

In some ways, Heather may be a lot easier to deal with.  She asks for what she needs. She wants me to tell her I love her, so she asks. The rest of us just hope that someone can figure it out, and when they don't, we think about all the ways we can get them to figure it out.

I know that I need reassurance, and I also know that I look for it in the wrong places.

I know that if I looked to God to tell me what I need to hear, I would hear Him tell me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), that He is enthralled with my beauty, (Psalm 45:11) that I am so loveable that He sent His only Son to die for me (John 3:16).

It's kinda funny... Heather knows what she needs to hear. She knows I will tell her what she needs to hear. So she asks me. And I tell her. And she's reassured.

I know what God would say, if I asked Him, and it's exactly what I want, what I need to hear. But I continue to look in all the wrong places to hear it.

Maybe Heather and I aren't the same after all.


Brooke